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Most of the time I make sense... at least to myself.
Only recently do I feel like I don't make sense and it kinda doesn't bother me. Sort of that joy you get when you close your eyes and leap. Now that I kind of look into it, it seems like I am just I think for the most part since I started this, er... journey I want to call it, that has been my motto. Blind faith. It isn't really getting me anywhere, but it also isn't stopping me from doing anything. I started off trying to run away from the past, only that meant giving up the good parts along with the bad. I have to start looking for a new apartment. No way I am going back to the old one, and as much as I would love living at home again (wait does this mean Isaac finally moved out from the big room?)
I still need my own space. I need lots of my own space. Well me and my kit cats. Either way, I don't like being told what to do. And maybe relocating would be the best choice. Mother's day is coming up. Okay I don't like the part where every mother's day, my day becomes an Annel tug-o war. So in order to ameliorate my situation, I chose to run. Bad move, because by isolating myself I kind of screwed myself. I didn't feel better, I didn't feel relief, maybe the first few days I did. And you know how sometimes too much of a good thing is well, not a good thing. I think I also experienced that.
Oh yeah I'm glad my mom made me go back to church even if it was with aunt cuckoo... Oh jeez actually she made me a whole lot more stressed out than the whole reason I left. But one major good thing that came from me coming up here was me getting right with the Lord again.
And I left stuff I didn't want to leave. I'm a terrible cat parent. I should've taken care of that stuff. And you know packed better. Also, I feel guilty for leaving sissy. Stupid Isaac and Jake are probably ganging up on her. Ugh I didn't think this through... How long before I started regretting it? A week in. But I'm a trooper, and I put on a smile. I think the whole situation happens to be that my mom and I are too much alike. We try to poke our noses into people's lives who are getting along just fine without us. Our only intention is to help, sometimes the question is, do they even want our help in the first place?
That leads me to the next part of this. Sometimes our help isn't wanted. I have yet to learn this. Back to too much of a good thing. Maybe I'm also kind of a control freak and when i see somebody isn't doing something right, I'll want to put in my two cents. So I think the two cents aren't really wanted a lot of the time. Kind of like when you get change at the store...I hate change. Not just like pennies, and actual physical change that jingles in your pockets, but also the kind that makes life uncomfortable.
Speaking of uncomfortable. Life tends to be that way, and just when you are getting used to things, getting comfortable, it kind of dumps a whole new can of worms out. Hey remember how I'm not sure if I'm absolutely crazy for loving this kid, or just plain stupid? Either way, he happens to be one of the people I can't live without. I tried, it didn't work and then I had to learn the excruciating art of putting my pride aside. Just for him. You are lucky friend. Actually if I remember correctly, most of you guys that I have gotten into a friend break up with, and happen to be reading this, I put my pride aside for you as well. So don't judge me jerks. It's how I roll.
So... we have had our nice little rolls in the hay, we talk non stop, about everything and anything, and most of the time we lean on each other for support... Am I right so far friend? Well I think the reason you shocked the hell outta me, is because I didn't think you were interested in me. I have the worst reactions ever. I might of over reacted! I am more than flattered, although I'm sort of flabbergasted. Don't judge me right now lol... actually the feeling is mutual, wait, were you asking me a question? Okay so I am like overly nervous right now. Maybe because I'm not sure what you just said to me. Um I do love you too. Very much so. Did I say this to you? Why am I stressing out about this? And when did I let you make me nervous? I'm always just me with you. Although I am pretty pleased and relieved to hear this...Did I tell you I love you too? Gwah I'm so awkward when talking about serious stuff... Matty won't get his ass to sleep... freakking kid.
Oh so continuation, now that I sort of got to sleep... umm... yeah I'm ready to go home. Daddy called and asked for a specific sale file, I didn't answer the question, I just said I'm ready to come home. Yep decision made. Why? Because I miss home. I want my stuff back, and I have learned that maybe I didn't have it so bad, I just jumped the gun when it came to my escape plan. Maybe once I get situated and actually plan shit out better, I will try my luck again. Not without plans though. So maybe one day I really will end up in Sandpoint lol... besides I got stuff I have to take care of A.S.A.P.
And I am achy from not sleeping in my bed. And Mr. Jerkface wants to go ahead and make me the most sexually frustrated person in the world! So yeah... I'm ready to come home. hahah... and not just because of that. Because you aren't just a piece of meat lol. Although you are pretty attractive :) and I like to keep you around. Okay i'm trying my hardest not to make this awkward. I'm sorry if I'm being weird. lol. I am trying to have some comic relief here...
Also is it really gay that I just got really giddy because you just called me? I mean you were all excited, so I got all excited. And I like talking to you on the phone, it was kind of really nice to get a call from home. :)
I feel like this is one of my useless posts lol but it's all stuff I wanted to get out of my head!
so... ta-dah!!! <3
I still need my own space. I need lots of my own space. Well me and my kit cats. Either way, I don't like being told what to do. And maybe relocating would be the best choice. Mother's day is coming up. Okay I don't like the part where every mother's day, my day becomes an Annel tug-o war. So in order to ameliorate my situation, I chose to run. Bad move, because by isolating myself I kind of screwed myself. I didn't feel better, I didn't feel relief, maybe the first few days I did. And you know how sometimes too much of a good thing is well, not a good thing. I think I also experienced that.
Oh yeah I'm glad my mom made me go back to church even if it was with aunt cuckoo... Oh jeez actually she made me a whole lot more stressed out than the whole reason I left. But one major good thing that came from me coming up here was me getting right with the Lord again.
And I left stuff I didn't want to leave. I'm a terrible cat parent. I should've taken care of that stuff. And you know packed better. Also, I feel guilty for leaving sissy. Stupid Isaac and Jake are probably ganging up on her. Ugh I didn't think this through... How long before I started regretting it? A week in. But I'm a trooper, and I put on a smile. I think the whole situation happens to be that my mom and I are too much alike. We try to poke our noses into people's lives who are getting along just fine without us. Our only intention is to help, sometimes the question is, do they even want our help in the first place?
That leads me to the next part of this. Sometimes our help isn't wanted. I have yet to learn this. Back to too much of a good thing. Maybe I'm also kind of a control freak and when i see somebody isn't doing something right, I'll want to put in my two cents. So I think the two cents aren't really wanted a lot of the time. Kind of like when you get change at the store...I hate change. Not just like pennies, and actual physical change that jingles in your pockets, but also the kind that makes life uncomfortable.
Speaking of uncomfortable. Life tends to be that way, and just when you are getting used to things, getting comfortable, it kind of dumps a whole new can of worms out. Hey remember how I'm not sure if I'm absolutely crazy for loving this kid, or just plain stupid? Either way, he happens to be one of the people I can't live without. I tried, it didn't work and then I had to learn the excruciating art of putting my pride aside. Just for him. You are lucky friend. Actually if I remember correctly, most of you guys that I have gotten into a friend break up with, and happen to be reading this, I put my pride aside for you as well. So don't judge me jerks. It's how I roll.
So... we have had our nice little rolls in the hay, we talk non stop, about everything and anything, and most of the time we lean on each other for support... Am I right so far friend? Well I think the reason you shocked the hell outta me, is because I didn't think you were interested in me. I have the worst reactions ever. I might of over reacted! I am more than flattered, although I'm sort of flabbergasted. Don't judge me right now lol... actually the feeling is mutual, wait, were you asking me a question? Okay so I am like overly nervous right now. Maybe because I'm not sure what you just said to me. Um I do love you too. Very much so. Did I say this to you? Why am I stressing out about this? And when did I let you make me nervous? I'm always just me with you. Although I am pretty pleased and relieved to hear this...Did I tell you I love you too? Gwah I'm so awkward when talking about serious stuff... Matty won't get his ass to sleep... freakking kid.
Oh so continuation, now that I sort of got to sleep... umm... yeah I'm ready to go home. Daddy called and asked for a specific sale file, I didn't answer the question, I just said I'm ready to come home. Yep decision made. Why? Because I miss home. I want my stuff back, and I have learned that maybe I didn't have it so bad, I just jumped the gun when it came to my escape plan. Maybe once I get situated and actually plan shit out better, I will try my luck again. Not without plans though. So maybe one day I really will end up in Sandpoint lol... besides I got stuff I have to take care of A.S.A.P.
And I am achy from not sleeping in my bed. And Mr. Jerkface wants to go ahead and make me the most sexually frustrated person in the world! So yeah... I'm ready to come home. hahah... and not just because of that. Because you aren't just a piece of meat lol. Although you are pretty attractive :) and I like to keep you around. Okay i'm trying my hardest not to make this awkward. I'm sorry if I'm being weird. lol. I am trying to have some comic relief here...
Also is it really gay that I just got really giddy because you just called me? I mean you were all excited, so I got all excited. And I like talking to you on the phone, it was kind of really nice to get a call from home. :)
I feel like this is one of my useless posts lol but it's all stuff I wanted to get out of my head!
so... ta-dah!!! <3
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