a puppet on a string

Sitting here listening to Elvis, a few thoughts came to my head.

Here's what I'm thinking. I, for the most part, try my hardest to please the parentals. I try my hardest to please my siblings. I even try to please my friends. I am a people pleaser. Now, this has me in the category of a really nice person, as well as a major pushover. This is true. I'm a pushover. I let people walk all over me because I'm afraid they won't stick around if they don't like my answer. I let others influence me, and as a consequence, I end up resenting them for not letting me make my own decisions. This is all good and dandy but my decisions also sort of only affect me.

In the words of Natasha Bedingfield: "Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in, no one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips..."

Oh so true. Now, if anyone remembers correctly, most of the time I have no problem speaking my mind. And I have become so sheepish recently. Maybe I've been knocked off my high horse. Life tends to do that. So fine, but still I have to find my balls again sometime soon, because my lack of boldness is driving me nuts.

I need my RAWR back! My mojo. Momma, I lost my mojo!!! I guess this is one of the things only I can find. Well shoot. The positive note here is that I'm bound and determined to get it back, one way or another! Good thing about me is that I'm a fighter. Even on the days I want to quit, there's always that little bit of drive that says, "Hell no you're not!" I guess all those years of being in softball kind of paid off. Even though practice sucked, even though I had bumps, cuts and bruises (and one particularly huge shiner I got from a line drive to the face) the feeling I got when we played was well worth it.

Anyways back to me making my own decisions. I'm sorry ya'll, but I guess I'm going to stop being such a pushover as well as a people pleaser. See, the way I see it I seriously need to stop being a baby back bitch and stop worrying about hurting other peoples feelings. No, I'm not going to start being a total douchebag, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm not rolling over for anybody anymore.