Here's the thing: I have come to the realization that I am going to lose a lot of things in the upcoming weeks and I have to put on my big girl pants and deal with it.
Keep pushing forward. Coach Millanes taught us that. Even if I wasn't one of his linemen, I still got that lesson pounded into my head just as much as they did. Then there's my Momma who's no quitter. Even through all adversity, do what you gotta do, she said. Worse yet, she will harass me until I get shit done. Kind of how I carry on for weeks when I don't get my way. And finally everybody gets sick of me, so they give me what I want. That's who I learned it from. The art of getting your way. So that's just it, I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and just push forward.
So I am coming home to um, well nothing really. I mean yeah I have my parent's house, but I practically lost everything material. My apartment was taken over by the kids, my car was impounded/ repo'd. So either I get my car out of the impound lot in ten days, or I lose it. Fantastic, more than likely I won't be seeing that car again. What a shame. Gotta keep moving forward. The biggest blessing is this job opportunity I have. I can be back on my own in a matter of months. I hate being so impatient. And I hate that I have to figure stuff out on my own. No, riding the bus isn't gonna kill me, but it's just something I am not looking forward to.
{ I love this song!! Points of Authority by Linkin Park}
I feel more annoyed than defeated. It's gonna get uncomfortable. Then there's that motto again. Keep pushing forward. It's only temporary. I know this. I'm not really worried about it. I just don't like the uncomfortableness of it all. I also think all this had to happen. Imagine me not leaving in the first place, would I be this calm? After dealing with Nino, and staying in that apartment, and just all that stress I was under I think at least emotionally I am a lot better off. So yeah I'm pissed, but it's not a life or death situation. It's funny because I am starting to look at stuff like my dad. If it's fixable, then we'll fix it, quit crying. Funny how that makes sense right now.
It's gonna be some hard work, I do know that. And I always deal with things a lot better when I am busy. I apply myself more when I really want it. Will power is key here. You know me, if I want it that bad, I'll get it one way or another.
I suppose i'm back to me being self sufficient. Gwah!! I am really annoyed at my credit getting ruined. Like seriously, as if this wasn't enough of a headache, this shit is brutal. Where does this leave me? Picking up the pieces. Unfortunately for me, this is the kinda shit one has to take care of on their own. Nobody can really make choices for you. Shitty as it is, pick a path kid, one way or another there are going to be struggles.
{I wish I could sing like Amy Lee!!! well her and Hailey Williams <3 hahah I love these chicks!}
Running away didn't really work out for me, because my strings were still attached. And very tangled. Should've tied loose ends correctly huh? So maybe one day I will be able to just take off. I think in this case the best idea is to go home, regroup, plan better and stop letting others make decisions for me. Call it a retreat if you will. At least I get to see my cats again. The things that make me homesick, are the things that have me tied up in AZ. If I could take them with me, I would do it in a heartbeat. Even worse are the things I have to take care of, in order to cut some strings. Okay AZ, you win, this time. I'm coming home in the middle of your hot, miserable summer. Lucky for you, you happen to have my loved ones trapped. Jerk...
Alright I feel better. And determined. Unfortunately I am also bound. Well... till next time <3
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