1. The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said.
Don't do this to yourselves friends. I advice against it, manly because many a night it has kept me wide awake. Tonight might be one of those nights. The inability to say what is on your mind then and there, and then all the good comebacks come flowing about late at night. Like they were there the whole time, your brain was just too slow to respond with said comebacks. Too afraid to come out of hiding, just like you were too afraid to speak up. Chickenshit thoughts. Cowards, where were you when I needed you? And so you blame the words.
Is it easier to left things unsaid, for fear of the answer? Hmm only if you want that question to haunt you. What if? What if you would've spoken up? What if you would've taken that chance? Was it worth staying quiet? Why are you still thinking about it? Ah, but we forget there are two sides to a coin. Did you really want that answer? What if it wasn't something you hoped for? Was losing someone worth it? Would it have been better to just suffer quietly?
Such is the conflicted mind. The thing with risks, whether or not you chose to take them, they are ultimately life changing. For better or for worse. You never know what you're gonna get eh? How's that for a real life box of chocolates. Well just FYI, most of them are unpleasant and leave the bad taste in your mouth. Sometimes the better comes disguised as a worse. Some loss should always be expected in order to gain. C'est la vie. The thing with that also, life sucks when your expectations aren't met.
You know when you are so sure things are going to turn out a certain way, and then they don't. Well, shit. What are you gonna do then? So is it better not to expect anything? To lower your expectations? And yet you feel almost devalued when you do that. But you can't keep your expectations too high that no one else can reach them. Second guessing yourself isn't very fun, now is it.
But you do it, for the sake of the second and third parties, you do it. You just want to please everyone. Admit it, you even want to please yourself. Oh if life were only to work that way, would be nice huh. Flip the switch, clap your hands- everyone is happy. Well you are only one person, and like it or not you are going to disappoint, just as much as people will disappoint you. What have you got to lose? Sometimes everything. And is that really a bad thing? Not always, but that always depends on whether or not you are a pessimist.
I'm always afraid I won't be granted another day. That might be why I wait for the sun to come up. Am I afraid of the dark? Terribly so. At least that morning light gives me comfort. So with this in mind, what if you don't have another day? What if this is it, next time you wake up, it won't be here. So you didn't get to say what you wanted to say. Would you still linger on it? If it was that important, I bet you would. Just like it keeps you awake at night. Doesn't seem to fail. Well, I'll just wait for my sunlight I guess, it hasn't failed me yet. Yet...
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