Okay I'm not fighting sleep, apparently that little 20 minute snooze I had was enough to shake the cobwebs off. Wide awake, as if I had all sorts of activities to do. I am bored. I am lonely. And I don't have any furniture. Might be why I can't sleep. I'm not hungry, I'm not tired, I don't want to watch a movie, I don't want to dry out my skin so another bath/shower is probably not a good idea...
I don't really have one thing that my mind is dwelling on. I think something has happened to where I kinda have let it all go. I officially stopped giving a shit. Okay not really, but pretty close to it. I have this whatever happens, happens attitude. Possibly not a good idea, but at this point (and I really hate saying this) WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN!? Seriously out of character for me, seeing how I worry about every single decision I make and how it'll affect every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Guess it's not my problem. Woah. Never heard those words outta me. Feels weird even thinking them. My biggest problem right now, this moment is my lack of a bed. Okay maybe along with that is my lack of a car, lack of a job, and the fact that I'm not really speaking to my parents, but maybe that needs to give me a break right now... it's 12:43 AM for crying out loud... I'll continue worrying about that stuff tomorrow. Right now, I really just want me time. Clear mind, clear conscience, clear everything. Maybe I'm not awake right now. This would make for a nice sort of dream.
Not a dream, but I feel like I am imagining this. I am a total worry about everything-er. It's nice to have a little break, i'll admit to that.
On to a new topic, since that gave me a bit of a headache...
I'm supposed to figure out what it is that I truly want to do in life. No idea... Can't I just be a billionaire? No? Okay v.v
So since that's out of the question, I'm supposed to find something that I really want to do with my life. Hmmm... I love the medical field, but I second guess myself to think that I'm not as smart as everyone else. Total baloney right there, we forget how competitive I am... and how I believe I am the smartest one. So I don't like working with dead people (just had a death in the family... must admit i'm a bit traumatized by it all.) But I suppose I'd have to get over it. Just like everything else, eh?
I wanted to be a mom... The more I'm around little kids, and babies... not so much. I mean if it comes, it comes, but I guess I should give that one up. Wow... my mom said I would never have any kids... guess she was right. Then again she was also convinced that I was a lesbian. No mom, just trying to get your attention... whatever. Anyways I refuse to have any kids without a partner in crime... no way am I raising any babies by myself. Obviously it would have to be with someone I love and that loves me, enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me... no dice there... well apparently I'm still young. Anyways in case there are any takers, I will deff make a fabulous mom :) buuuuut in case we are all wondering...no I'm not a lesbian.
I'm not as much of a fabulous cook anymore. I used to be, I think I've gotten lazy. Besides, me and food are probably not a great idea together. Ugh which reminds me, I have to go to the nutritionist soon... yay for changing my eating habits! Actually that, I am excited for. Mainly because I'm kind of sort of really tired of being a whale. And oh my geez I never want to get as big as Tiff. Hell, I don't want to get any bigger than I am now!!! So fatty mcfatt fat me has got to go. Plus side of this is getting in shape. You know because apparently one can't become a criminal if they are overweight. I can't afford henchmen, so I'd have to do my own dirty work, and that involves running from the authorities. I should probably take up parkour in my spare time. Hmm deff need to stop being a fatso first. Also I need an accomplice, we'll go 50/50... any takers? Beccs I'm looking your way! Geez my imagination is a criminal...
I love my artsy side. But that's the side that I kind of suppress because it isn't practical. Then again what is. I refuse to kill my imagination, but also I have to be reasonable and remember what pays the bills and what doesn't. And at the end of the day, it all boils down to that... the green. Sigh...
I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Teacher, Computer Engineer, Pyrotechnic, Make up artist, Interior decorator... Gwah... when I was in kindergarten I wanted to be a vet. That was until my dog died. Can't handle that. My second choice was a baseball player. Hah well the MLB isn't taking apps from girls...
Well I suppose I'll sleep on it. Because just now I got sleepy... Well ttyl ya'll...
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