So I'm pretty much fucking annoyed. Not annoyed. Angry. Yup, pretty angry. Because I'm kind of tired of bullshit. And it feels like a fucking recurring topic here. Once again I fell for it. Hopes up, then BOOM! BASH! BAM! dropped again. Same shit different day, and then you wonder why I even react to it anymore. All because I ignore common sense. I don't listen to the little alarms going off in my head.

I don't know why I bother. Every single time, without fail, it fucking breaks my heart. And it fucking hurts. And you keep doing it. I have every inclination for calling it quits. Because this hurts. You win. My feelings got involved. I can't handle it.

You confuse me. You make me out to be this amazing, beautiful, wonderful person. I only see it because you do. You point it out. You have me in the backup zone. Because you know I'll stay there. You tell me what I want to hear. All these "You're cute," "You're amazing,"'s all the things I try not to respond to. But I fall for them. And you know. You know just how to turn me on. Then you go ahead and put me on the back burner. Or in the fridge.

Let me clarify something for you: FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT JESSICA. FUCK YOU. I AM NOT HER, I AM NOTHING LIKE HER, AND YOU WON'T EVEN STOP TO FUCKING LOOK AT THAT. You keep looking in the rearview, while there is a head on collision about to happen. Don't compare me to her. I don't deserve that.

And I lose. I lose because I do care. It does hurt. I lose because you can't and won't ever think about my feelings. You just wont. And it fucking breaks my heart. How much plainer do you want this? Do you not see it? Don't you care at all? I guess not. I'm just your fuck buddy anyways. Nothing more. But best way to string me along is to keep lying to me. Keep me interested.

You want to put a stop to it, then you turn around and change your mind. On the same day. Tell me you honestly don't understand why I'm hurt or confused. I said I could handle it. I lied. Sue me. But I can't let you keep doing this to me. And I do let you. I want more than just sex. But we'll never take it past that. Because it's not convenient for you.

I'm gonna give you this advice. Until you stop looking at what's in your past, you're never going to have a good future. Hanging on to the past.